Lunch essay

the lunmch essay is a comprehensive essay describing in detail the intricacies of mealtimes written by lad silv. It is a staple of lad culture.

The essay is as follows:

"the oxford definition of dinner is the main meal of the day, taken either around midday or in the evening. It is also defined as a formal evening meal, typically one in honor of a person or event. Lunch is defined as a meal eaten in the middle of the day, typically one that is lighter or less formal than an evening meal. therefore, you can eat dinner at noon and not have it be lunch, as long as it is a formal meal.

''However, it is impossible to eat dinner before noon no matter how formal the meal is, as an early formal meal is a brunch. any food eaten at a time that is not a meal time is a snack, but if the food is in large amount then it corresponds to whatever meal is closest.Some define dinner as the last meal of the day. This is innacurate, as if you were to eat breakfast and then not eat for the rest of the day, the breakfast is not considered dinner.''

''How late can a dinner be? The time of dinner can be anywhere between noon and the time you go to sleep. since breakfast is the meal that “breaks the fast” of sleep, a meal eaten at 5:00 AM without sleeping is dinner, while a meal eaten at 5:00 AM after waking up is breakfast.''

If one were to stay up without eating dinner untill noon the next day and then eat, it would not be a dinner and instead become lunch, since breakfast did not occur.

breakfast is not a required meal, as some people skip it or wake up too late for their first meal to be considered breakfast.

''Typically, breakfast ranges from 5 AM to 9 AM, lunch ranges from 10 AM to 2 PM, and dinner ranges from 3 PM to 12 AM. time from 12 AM till 5 AM is not a common time for a meal, but a meal eaten then would be either dinner or breakfast depending on wether the mealee has slept.''

''A certain type of people known as “the british” often enjoy food between lunch and dinner. Since it is a small amount of food along with a drink, it would usually be considered a snack, but it is  ''

''infact a sub-meal type know as tea time. sub-meals are small meals that are irregular and yet have a formal name given by those who practice it. A sub meal can be any food that is routinely eaten at the same time. for example, If one was to eat leftover hot cheetoes every day at 3:00PM and call it hot cheeto time, that would become a sub-meal for all who practice it.''

But again, if a sub-meal is a large amount of food, it becomes whatever meal is closest.

''Large amounts of food are relative to how much one usually eats in a meal before getting full. If a snack is to be considered a meal, the eater must be too full following the snack to participate fully in said meal. If they are not too full then the snack is still considered a snack no matter the size.''

''Some meals are special and are had under specific circumstances. as mentioned earlier, a brunch is a hybrid of breakfast and lunch had between the times of both, and is typically formal. these are specific conditions that make a meal a brunch. another special meal type is a picnic. picnics are meals, commonly lunch or dinner, that are eaten outside.''

''Meals have certain foods that correspond to them, like a lunch sandwich or pancakes for breakfast. this raises the question, if you were to eat typical breakfast food, such as bacon and eggs, at dinner, is it still dinner? my answer is Yes, of course it is. The meal was eaten at dinner so it is dinner. Even the most meal-specific foods can be eaten at any time of day.''

''Meals also have certain temperatures related to them, noticeably. consider this: for breakfast, you are served a cold soup. Of course, this would not do, as breakfast is a typically warm meal. It is often related to comfort as it is the first meal of the day.''

''lunch is a meal often related with cold (think a sub sandwich), and dinner often varies but leans toward hot (think steak). as always with meals, there are exceptions.''

''The most irregular possible meal would be to eat a medium amount of lukewarm food in space, where the concept of time does not matter. would this be a meal or a snack, a breakfast, lunch or a dinner? This is known as rubik’s meal, a puzzle mealologists have seeked to solve for centuries.''

my theory on the matter is that the meal would be a snack (since the eater would not be full), and neither lunch, dinner nor breakfast but a completely different type of meal.

''this theoretical meal is a meal that can only be eaten never. If there is no time, the meal cannot be eaten at any time. but the meal exists, and is eaten. But if the meal is a medium amount of food, then it isnt a meal at all. it is a snack. a medium amount of food eaten outside of time would simply be a snack, as they can be eaten at any time of day.''

''Another meal theory is the Allegory of the (food) Cave. If a man lived in a cave, with no light, for his whole life, and only ate rats, would he default to the commonly known meal times, eating 3 times a day at morning noon and night? or would he eat randomly, a random amount at any time of day? if the rats were not plentiful, would he eat the rats as snacks or save them up for meals? this theory inspires thought for mealologists and mealees alike.''

''And what about a minuscule amount of food, such as a single grape. would that be considered a snack? what if food was ingested on accident, like a berry falling down one’s throat?''

''mealology is an interesting field with many questions left unanswered. it is much more complex than many would assume.''

''Those who are interested in getting into the field should consider the video game “Bugsnax” available for modern PlayStation systems. This game raises many questions which would benefit beginning mealologists to debate. For example, the bugsnax are considered snacks, hence the phrase, “kinda bug and kinda snack”. despite this, the snax contain thousands or calories, some tens of thousands. would this mean that, to be considered snacks, the creatures who consume bugsnax are able to eat an incredible amount of calories without getting full? Or did the developer of the game not properly consult a mealologist in the making of the game? this may be, as one of the snax is a burger, a food that is very commonly a meal. Meals are very often mislabeled in media. this is why mealologists such as myself seek to educate the less knowledge, such as yourself, on all the intricacies of mealtime."''

Sometimes an additional paragraph is added, as follows:

"Thank you “berry” much for your time. (food pun!) I hope i have inspired you to further pursue the science of mealology. Please go forth and ask questions, and while i am here I will ask a question of my own. Did you learn something useful here today?"

The lunch essay is similar in structure to the My Fault OG analysis by the same author. It also contains a reference to bugsnax.